i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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