I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
