after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize