I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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