We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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