If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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