I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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