To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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