I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
