Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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