if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
