I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
