First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
