My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
