we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
