I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
