i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
