This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
