He uses pillows to masturbate.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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