So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
