I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
