That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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