That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
