What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
