I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
