The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
