is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
