don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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