taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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