porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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