rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
