I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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