..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize