Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
