i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
