Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
