i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize