You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
