i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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