ugly people sure do ruin things
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
