Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
