don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
