In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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