if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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