I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
