I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
