so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
