You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
