ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
