Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
