Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
