even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
