everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
