Apparently you make a good broom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize