i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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