Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize