NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
