I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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