I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
