tonight lets celebrate not being married
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize