Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
last night I used snow as a chaser
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